The Sweet Life: Maryam recreates FruitArt in Rotterdam
Why did you decide to come to the Netherlands? What were your other options?
I came to the Netherlands because the DAFT visa was my best option. I have studied Dutch since my teens because of personal interest (read: obsession) with the Netherlands. I also had Dutch friends willing to help me out. So the choice was pretty easy. I did consider Germany or other EU countries but the permit process was harder and I wasn’t eligible for study or skilled worker visas so I needed a startup visa. I owned a bakery in Michigan, so it was much easier to transfer the same business to NL, although I am focusing on candy for now. I did consider some less developed and easier countries but the problem would have been the language barrier and not knowing anyone there who could help me, and I didn’t want to risk moving completely alone there as a woman.
What has been harder than expected and what has been easier than expected?
I was afraid it would be hard to become fluent in Dutch, but it happened surprisingly fast with immersion and being around my friends’ kids. Kids don’t judge grammar, so this is a lovely way to learn a language. Dealing with documents and governmental stuff was surprisingly easy, as Dutch bureaucrats are extremely understanding and helpful. Socializing here is a bit hard if you don’t have school or a job, but that’s something that can definitely be overcome with effort. Most things were unexpectedly easy, but the really hard issues for everyone is finding housing, high utility prices and high fees for certain business-related things.
What is the most interesting thing you have learned about (about yourself or anything you want to discuss)?
I have learned a lot about myself since coming here. I haven’t had to live in constant anxiety for my safety so I have been able to be introspective and heal a lot of aspects of my mental health. The calm atmosphere has really given me a chance to focus on my mental health and business in general and improve.
Dutch people aren’t as direct as people think. They are surprisingly similar to Americans in showing empathy and friendliness, especially if you make an effort to develop a bond. They can be curt in official letters, but that doesn’t mean that they’re unfriendly or hard to talk to.
What one piece of advice do you wish you had been given?
I wish I had known to look both ways when crossing a bike path. I didn’t take it seriously enough until I learned it the hard way by getting crashed into really hard and getting injured. I’m fine now and look both ways every single time, however, it could have been worse so that’s definitely something important to know if you’re an American coming here.
What’s the biggest difference you notice between your life here and your life in the US?
The biggest difference is the sheer feeling of safety and security here. I feel so safe here I compare it to a children’s playground compared to home. . No weapons are allowed. Even the “worst” parts of town don’t have much real danger. Speed limits are extremely slow and safe for walking. Police brutality doesn’t happen as far as I can see and, authority figures are extremely chill. You can always call some office or other to ask for help, calling the gemeente (city government) when you’re in a tough spot gets you actual help instead of getting in trouble. There’s just a feeling that the public resources are to help you, not control or hurt you. An ambulance ride is FREE and medical care is very reasonably priced. As someone who has struggled with C-PTSD and anxiety, to me this feeling of safety and care is incredibly healing.
What is the best thing about your life in the Netherlands?
There’s so much freedom, opportunity and safety. It’s easy to walk or take transport. There are lots of people everywhere so you never really feel like you’re alone in a remote place. Agencies and people are helpful if you’re struggling.
Any advice for making new friends and/or maintaining old ones?
I’m still working on this part. I’ve had to focus on my business for now and haven’t had too much time to socialize, but I think the best way would just be to sign up for something you find interesting, where you can see the same people regularly just like school, or work. Also reaching out on Linkedin or Instagram to people you find interesting, and inviting them for a coffee chat. Dutch culture is friendly and not cold at all once you initiate. Community centers, libraries, taalcafes and such are also fun. Just beware that if you are a woman you will need to look out for yourself in these places, just like anywhere. Some men may attempt to be inappropriate especially if you are not Dutch. There are also many lovely all-women gyms, sports teams and dance classes.
Beyond the generic food, family, and friends, what do you miss most from the US?
I think the biggest thing I miss is the openness, sociality, and friendliness of Americans. It’s been a bit of a shock to adjust to somewhere where everyone is pretty quiet and unenthusiastic unless you talk first. Yes it’s respectful, but it can make you not really feel seen sometimes. Being complimented by strangers doesn’t happen here. No one randomly strikes up a conversation with you unless they’re an immigrant from a similarly social place. In the US I was used to people striking up conversations or commenting on things even in grocery stores. People stare more here than in the US, especially in the villages and suburbs. They’re extremely adamant on rule-following and correcting you if you break rules like having your car lights on and such. In America people pretty much tolerate anything of that sort but here in suburbs or villages if you break one rule by mistake everybody immediately notices and curtly corrects you. In cities, weirdness is kinda expected and ignored, same as in the US. The government is much more lenient and easygoing and less judgmental than the public.
Buy your Fruitart from Maryam at https://fruitart.bigcartel.com/
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